I began it all when I was about 15-16 years old. Gradually an addiction was formed. During my university studies my addiction only escalated more and more. We drank alcohol all days, all nights… It was normal to start drinking in the morning instead of breakfast and keep it topped up all day. Lunchtime or a dinner at a restaurant were never without alcohol. Besides that I was trying several types of drugs and I simply decided what I fancy just now or what was available. I also mixed them together – I said why not you live only once…
After some years of such life I realised I actually cannot exist clean and sober. I was always nervous, tired, irritable, always with a feeling something is missing. Everything hurt, my hands shook, I had headaches. Apart from all that I became addicted to sex. If somebody lived through that they know what a bad state that is. Every day we drank or had ‚something‘ else and I had problem to manage two-three hours without sex.
Always after I sobered up or the ‚high‘ ended I had feelings of anxiety and depressions. The depression was manifested in a way that I did not want to talk to anybody, nothing could amuse me, I just lay in bed with my depression. I thought of how bad everything is and I could not even fall asleep because the anxiety would not let me. So basically I started to have also insomnia. Sometimes I would take tablets for depression, sometime sleeping pills. Eventually, they stopped working, depressions did not stop and I could not sleep. Due to never-ending sex and alcohol my menstrual cycle shortened to 16 days. That really frightened me and I knew I am damaging my own body (in a physical and mental way). I also had memory problems and with general concentration span in school and normal life.
The only thing that helped was alcohol, sex or drugs. And then the feelings of depression always came back. It was a vicious circle. I already felt that it is not normal and that I have to do something about it but I did not know what.
I was thinking about visiting a psychologist or a sexologist…
Once when I again came home after two days I spent ‚partying up‘ and had a strong depression again, I was thinking what to do so the anxiety and all those negative thought would go away. I was nervous, irritable and tired but I could not go to sleep. I don’t even know how but an idea came to read the Bible. My flatmates were believers and in our living room there was always some Bible on the table.
Something forced me to get up and take that Bible from the table. Today I know it was Jesus. I started to read the Old Testament. I liked that God created everything ‚good and perfect‘. I read about 30 pages when I suddenly realised that my depression had left me and I was filled with peace. I could not explain it but I felt that it was because of my bible reading. I lay in my bed and fell asleep feeling good.
It was so unbelievable for me that I kept thinking about it during the following days. Ordinary bible reading calmed me down and I stopped dealing with all those negative things surrounding me. I stopped being invested in this world and I was filled with unbelievable peace.
To cut a long story short….
Jesus was influencing me more and more (thanks to the prayers of my flatmates and others) and gradually I started to pray and regularly read the Bible. I still kept going to the parties and I had sex, alcohol and drugs in my life but in lesser and lesser intensity. It fought over me, I wanted to enjoy the high, to drink and to party but I also felt that I am doing something that I don’t even really want. I even prayed when I was drunk or on drugs. In these situations Jesus always helped me and in a matter of minutes I was suddenly clean and sober.
It took several months but Jesus gradually changed me ….. to the point when I realised that I don’t need to have these things in my life and that I don’t even miss them.
Jesus Christ freed me from all my addictions. Finally, I really feel good, I sleep well, I lack nothing. I severed old contacts and I found peace that I had been looking for so long. I realised how powerful a prayer is and when I see a drunk on the street, I’m always glad to pray for him/her.
I am finally happy and I wish everybody, who suffers under something similar, to get to know Jesus who is real. I will be praying for you who are reading this testimony of my life to be freed from everything you cannot free yourselves. Amen!
Testimony in Slovak – Svedectvo v slovenčine https://zivyjezisvpraxi.sk/alkohol-sex-drogy/